My son loves Rain Man. There are a few films he can watch again and again; Hot Rod, all of the Cornetto trilogy and both Inbetweeners movies. But Rain Man is his favourite. It's a bond between us too. If he farts in the car I say "Rain Man did you fart" he giggles and says "Yeah" in his best Dustin Hoffman voice. He's an incredibly good mimic. If he's being inflexible with something he's wearing or wants to eat then I lead him into the Kmart sketch by saying "Of course this is not my underwear" We both end up laughing and he gets my point, sometimes changing his choices but other times we both know its not possible but can laugh. Just take a break. It's a film that's helped him have an insight into his own diagnosis and he recognises himself in a lot of it.
It's also a film that divides some of the Autistic community. It's fair to say it presents a some what out of date stereo type and could lead to just understanding one narrow representation of Autism. It gives one story, one example. Yes it is of it's time and thankfully terms like "Idiot Savant" are now not used and yes an Autistic actor should be cast instead of Dustin. It does, however, give examples of how the world we have created is experienced by Autistic people and how that impacts on those trying to care for them. Some understanding
I haven't posted in a while as things have been too difficult. I've been battling to get him services, its been over 2 and half years now. Covid has not helped and has had a big impact. It's increased waiting times and made communication with agencies even more difficult. As he's over 18 services mostly insist on speaking to him directly, this presents major problems. A service provider may insist on calling or emailing him directly to arrange meetings and appointments. He rarely responds so they then take him off their list which means all the time I've spent fighting to get him the service is fruitless unless I then contact them myself and try and explain and rearrange. Some services get it and allow me to set up a meeting or appointment so that I can remind him and make sure he picks up the phone, emails or signs into virtual sessions. So then he's there engaging, all good you would think but no.
Just like Charlie Babbitt us parents/carers develop a way of communicating with our loved ones. He understood that if the sign says don't walk Rain Man would stop whether its appropriate or not. We understand that they may not be in pain at the moment you ask so will say they're ok but that doesn't mean that next week they won't be in so much mental pain that they can't function. So if you ask are they ok and they say yes its not appropriate to take a service away from them. We understand that they may want to live independently and say that they can but that doesn't mean its possible without support. My last conversation with a professional was madness. My son had told the professional that he wanted to live independently and did not want "carers" Their view was as this was his wish they wouldn't be providing support. I had to try and explain Autism and how it affected him. "Have you ever tried leaving him on his own" was their response. Great safeguarding, well done. I shouldn't have to do this. Services should do so much better. No my son is not Rain Man he presents so much more able. Yes he can drive, yes he can play a musical instrument, travel on a train by himself and order a takeaway. He can even go out, get legless, have a good time and find his way home but life is so much more complex and so is Autism.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3dC71OAhcs
He'll be anyone's friend if they offer friendship. He'll give them money if they ask and keep giving them money if it means they'll be his friend. He'll take drugs to please his friends and be part of their group. Whatever it takes. If a "friend" tells him that people without jobs on benefits are scroungers and a waste of space, he'll feel ashamed and a failure and push himself into trying to achieve something that is so difficult he ends up in crisis. If a "friend" tells him his lack of progress is because of all the foreigners he'll agree just to please them. He won't see that his lack of progress is down to the fact that no services to meet his needs are being commissioned in his community and he won't believe me over a "friend" because disagreeing with me won't make me walk away.
Rain Man is of its age but has society moved on? Care in the community is more often than not neglect. I had a commissioner once ask me if Autism was still considered a disability. Of course I directed her to the definition under the Equality Act. It seems now though that as the achievements of Autistic people are celebrated and recognised it blinds some professionals to the difficulties they have. Or could it be it gives them a convenient reason to deny support. Hmmmm I seem to be on their merry-go-round again.
So the question; does Rain Man want to live with Charlie Babbitt or stay a Wallbrook? Well my Rain Man wants a bit of both. He wants us both to visit him in his own flat and take care of him whilst he lives the best life he can.
And me, what do I want? 3 million dollars or I'll except a bit of respite and an end to the endless madness.
